Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Where I'm at.

Today has been a fabulous blessing of a day.
It's my "Saturday" if you will and Lily has been sleeping like a rockstar which means when she's awake we're having great fun & when she's asleep I'm getting a ton of junk done! 
Which also means I have time & desire to blog... at the same time. 
This hasn't been happening a lot lately so I thought I would just check in with an update of where I'm at. 
I also thought I would do this by way of pictures that I drew.
Because I'm 6 I really love coloring.

Julia Child

This has been my very favorite quote recently.
It's been keeping me up at night.
That and the fact that my birthday is coming up on Thursday.
I loooooove birthdays, but they totally make me sappy and reflective.

Birfday

Anyway, I've been wrestling with it, because I have issues with the "keeping interested" part. 
That's right, I have issues. You heard it here first. 
I tend to be quite passionate about life in general & it seems like any little thing can get me so pumped and motivated. 
Then I'm lost in daydreams and staying up all night furiously scribbling in my trusty journal (you know, one of the 27 trusty journals I currently can't live without).
Unfortunately, a few weeks (or days but who's counting?) later I'm distracted by something else exciting and on to the next big idea. 
I've always struggled with this huge desire to change and move and evolve... which can be fun but so dissatisfying sometimes. 
By the grace of God I'm steadfastly & passionately in love with being a wife and mother.
I've managed to stay "tremendously interested" in both and don't see that changing. 
But beyond that the only steady passion I can come up with is creating.    
Whether it be baking, sewing, coloring or painting. 

God is good.

I think my desire to discover my passion and excel at it is so strong because I truly believe I was made this way on purpose.
So if God wanted me to be the way I am...WHY?
What should I be doing with my talents that bring Him glory?
I can tell you one thing for sure: I should not be running myself ragged chasing a desire to the point of emotional exhaustion and neglecting my family.
Got it. That's why I'm not baking any more.
Problem is, I still feel a bit like a failure for giving it up.
I really thought that was what I should be pursuing.
I was good at it and passionate about it.
But the door was clearly slammed in my face.
Forcing me to re-evaulate my passions and priorities.

thanks

Why was loving people like Jesus loves me not on my list of passions?
Because it was an honest list and even though I wish I could be honest and say that it was... Recently it hasn't been.
Why? Because I can't honestly tell you the last time I ASKED Jesus to help me love people.
Dang it.
I hate that. 
I hate that it's true and I really hate admitting it.
But I'm not just trying to be negative.
Actually I'm being super long-winded today but the point is this:
God did create me to love creating.
He made me to be extra sensitive and to love beauty in all shapes and sizes.
He made me so that I feel His presence the most when I'm creating pretty things.
So maybe it's ok if I'm not crazy awesome at anything.
Maybe it's fine if I just love the process of learning new things and making things a little prettier.
Probably I should stop being worried about finding success by the world's standards, and just start using my creativity to love people better.

dream

So, that's where I'm at.
Just coloring and dreaming and praying and trying to be better at loving.
I'm missing being a part of the small handmade business community but resting in the peace of knowing that another opportunity will come that's better than the last one.
One that's a better fit for my family.
One that helps me love people more fully.
Do you struggle with anything similar?
I would love to pray with/for you if you understand what this whole huge ramble was all about!
Email me! sugarmamabakeshop@gmail.com
 For real I would love hearing where you're at!

14 comments:

  1. First, I'm new here... so Hello My name is Noël, or No..el, or No Dots for short. I loved your ramble, in fact it made complete and utter sense to me. I feel very much the same way, but I haven't always felt like this. Just recently since retiring from Preschool teaching. Trying to find my niche again, has not been easy. But, the good part is that I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. Ok and now that I have said to much instead of just emailing you, I'm gonna go. Happy to have found you.

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  2. Oh and BTW I LOVED your drawings.

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  3. I was like this the entire month of August. I was overwhelmed and neglecting my family to keep up with the blogging world. It was not good. So I took some time off and blogged when I could, and if I didn't post every day, that was ok. The world actually didn't end like I thought it would. Crazy right?
    You'll find it, and keep baking even if it's just for you. Sometimes success can be measured better in self awareness and happiness, not in numbers or $$.
    Xoxo thanks for the great post!
    Megan

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  4. Um...your art - do you sell it? It's amazing!! And great post - I'm so glad you shared it with me. I've been thinking a lot about how my purpose (as a Christian) is to bring glory to God and to share Him with others. I've been trying to balance that with my vision for my blog and sort of pair the two (my purpose + my vision for RDD) into one beautiful endeavor, but it is SO hard to do. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one. :)

    I'm serious about the art. We might should work together on some hand-drawn web graphics. It's gorgeous. :)

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  5. i agree with Amanda. your art is amazing. you have talent lady! birthdays are always quite reflective for me as well. it's a good time to see where i've been and where i'm headed.

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  6. Your art is real pretty! If you did Bible verses in the Julia Child style, I would totally buy some!

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  7. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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  8. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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  9. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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  10. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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  11. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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  12. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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  13. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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  14. So, so good! And right where I'm at. Thanks for this!

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